Monday, November 28, 2011

Lowly Logan Pt. 3: You Let Everyone Touch You

I considered awarding Logan bonus points for getting imbecile right. Then he said “innaproprietly.”

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Lowly Logan Part 2: Overmature

Before this next installment of the saga of Logan and Theresa, I have an ethical dilemma. I was able to locate both Logan and Theresa on Facebook. There's no question it's them because they both have unusual last names. (I bet they never get e-mails from strangers. Zing.) Turns out they're from the same small town in Oklahoma and went to high school together. I would love to get some of the back story from Theresa, and the fact that I discovered a second surefire way to contact her makes it feel like fate. But that might be weird. That would definitely be weird.


Graded by: Rachel




Graded by: Rachel




Graded by: Rachel


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Lowly Logan: Part 1

Meet Logan.

It seems that Logan and Theresa, the original recipient of this series of wrathful e-mails, were a couple on a rapid downward trajectory. Judging by his choice of words, Logan doesn't seem like the type of person who brings excellent communication skills to his relationships. Maybe he needs to pick up a copy of "The Five Love Languages." Maybe he needs a strait jacket. Either way, poor Theresa. Of course she needed to vent about this joker to someone, even a stranger who happened to have almost-but-not-quite-the-same e-mail address as her friend. 


(Editor's Note: He was way jay-kaying on the "for the last and final time" part.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

"hope that legitimizes me."


I have a few issues  with Bruce's execution. First off, his opener is... meh, but I’m  more wounded by the reckless (ab)use of em-dashes — how do you say “dealbreaker” in Hungarian? — — — —

Then there's the issue of Györi. WTF Bruce. Why did you interject another dude into the picture?  I’m sure Györi is great, but his presence will not increase the statistical odds of your getting on that. What if he has better hair than you?

My biggest problem, I think, is Bruce’s passive aggressiveness. Or is it passive aggression. Whatever, he gives her the address for his concert and then backpedals. God Bruce, step up your game.

Also, if "I'm not a weirdo" appears anywhere within the body of an e-mail to a girl you just met, odds are you're a weirdo.

Message send failure

My name is Rachel Williams.
This is not unlike saying my name is Sally Smith or Jane Jones. My name is generic. And so is my email address.


When I created my gmail account, I was disheartened to discover Rachel dot Williams was already taken. Did this Rachel Williams not know it was I who deserved our firstname-dot-lastname? I quit hyperventilating a few seconds later because Rachel dot L dot Williams was available. 

Fast forward a few years and thanks to a combination of circumstances, I've built up quite the collection of e-mails that were clearly misdirected. Lucky me. 


By all means, enjoy yourselves.